I remember dating my now husband and not being able to afford to do anything but read books at the end of the month because teacher pay in North Carolina was so low. To the times where you get to fully celebrate your individuality and the greatness you are as a team.
Love all of this. As a newly married person I feel like our infuation phase was cut short by all the trials and tribulations of our journey. I love this! True love is a hard beautiful choice. Many blessings in this new season of your life! Don't miss the magic coming your way! Subscribe to be the first to know about new posts and more! Skip to content — Relationship Musings —.
Continual vs. I hope someone appreciates this as much as I do. Previous Post The importance of grieving seasons like we grieve people. Next Post Honoring Seasonal Friendships. Don't Miss A Musing! We know how annoying spam is. We promise not to spam you. These days love is a different kind of tyranny. Like an accidentally vegan snack food, love can stop you in your tracks.
It can also be consciously welcomed in soft, rolling waves. Love can make us more daring and open to new experiences. Forget your investigative pop culture podcasts and crime docuseries—your new lover is the latest subject of your deep dives. When they feel happy, you feel happy. This might mean going out of the way to give them love in the way that they want to receive it, even if it is not the way you would want to receive love.
This might even be you. We are willing to have sex nearly anytime and anywhere, forsaking caution and the voice inside telling us to get back to work. Depending on your attachment style, new love might have you moving toward extremes.
That is what lies the heart of love. Love makes the world go round. But if you had to choose between love and being in love which would you choose? As a counselor, I spend a lot of time talking about love and being in love. A common question is, "What's the difference between loving someone and being in love? So while I recognize you can love many people in your life in many different ways, I will be focusing on romantic love for the purposes of this article.
Being in love is a heady, lusty, lovely experience. It's a state of near obsession with your partner or love object. You don't see flaws. You crave their presence. Being in-love is indeed like a drug. Being in love is usually a phase at the beginning of a relationship. It's chemistry, it's infatuation and it's short-term. We can be glad about that because many people report a loss of appetite, increased energy and insomnia in the throes of being in love.
Being in love is a foundation for long-term love. Though there's no way to keep the infatuation going as strong as it is during the NRE New Relationship Energy phase, couples that do well with pro-relationship behaviors will find themselves being in love many times across the years. Love is different from being in love.
When you love someone deeply, the chemical balance in your body is affected. Oxytocin is released when you see them, prompting you to form and develop your bond. Oxytocin is the cuddle hormone that helps you bond to other humans, as well as animals. Loving someone can be best described as an attachment. The long-term bond is strengthened by the action of a hormone called Vasopressin. Falling in love is a different chemical process.
Falling in love requires lust and sexual attraction. It accesses the chemicals in your body that get your heart racing, literally. Dopamine is activated which makes you feel euphoric. Norepinephrine makes you feel on nervous, making your hands sweaty and your heart beat faster. Serotonin makes you feel so deliriously happy, it's as though you've lost your mind. Falling in love is an overwhelming experience, but you shouldn't make decisions about your partner here.
It's not likely you will have a real chance to review their flaws. Falling in love is energizing. It is exciting and thrilling. This is a necessary stage for long-term bonding and attachment. All that exhilaration can't last forever. That's why being in-love eventually gives way to a deeper form of love if you stay with your partner. Some couples find themselves in committed long-term relationships without ever having experienced a phase of being in love.
Often, a client will reach out to discuss their concern about committing to their partner if they have never felt a strong sexual connection. The benefit of experiencing the crazy-in-love stage is that it builds a basis for the long haul.
Couples renew and refresh their love tank when they return to the in-love stage that catapulted them into coupledom. It is important to understand that while chemistry isn't everything, it helps enormously in the rough patches you will inevitably hit in long-term love.
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